Funny Facebook Statuses That Will Get Comments

Funny Facebook Statuses That Will Get Comments

Looking for some funny Facebook statuses that will get comments? Check out our top 99 listicle content and top 10 celebration ideas below!

Top 99 Listicle Content for Funny Facebook Statuses

1. Why does my phone never understand my sarcasm?
2. Just realized I’ve been pronouncing “quinoa” wrong my whole life. #mindblown
3. I put the “pro” in procrastination.
4. If at first you don’t succeed, blame autocorrect.
5. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
6. I’m not lazy, I’m energy efficient.
7. Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?
8. My hobbies include eating and complaining about being fat.
9. If we’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
10. Why does everyone want to know what I’m doing this weekend? Do they want to come too?
11. I don’t always have a witty comeback, but when I do, I forget it immediately.
12. My life is a constant battle between my love for food and my desire to not get fat.
13. I asked my dog what he wanted for his birthday and he just looked at me like I was crazy. Typical.
14. Why does everyone keep asking me if I’m okay? I’m just naturally this weird.
15. My stomach just reminded me that it’s lunchtime. Thanks, stomach.
16. The only thing standing between me and my dreams is my alarm clock.
17. Why do people say “heads up” when you should really be ducking?
18. My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people with me.
19. My brain has too many tabs open.
20. I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my opinion.
21. I wish I could turn back time, but then I’d probably just waste it again.
22. Why do we say “cheese” when taking a picture? Is it because it’s hard to frown while saying it?
23. I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast.
24. My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships.
25. Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? Who came up with this stuff?
26. I don’t always eat ice cream, but when I do, I eat the whole tub.
27. Why do people say “life is short” when it’s actually the longest thing we’ll ever experience?
28. I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for more important things.
29. Why do we call it a “drive-through” if we’re not driving through anything?
30. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. Again.
31. I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
32. If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.
33. Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Can we just switch it up for once?
34. I don’t always have a witty comeback, but when I do, I forget it immediately. Again.
35. Why do we say “heads up” when we should really be saying “duck”?
36. I’m not arguing, I’m just expressing my opinion in a very loud and passionate way.
37. If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else and try again.
38. Why do we call it a “shortcut” when it usually takes longer than the regular way?
39. I don’t always have a plan, but when I do, it usually doesn’t work out.
40. Why do people say “it’s always in the last place you look” when obviously it would be?
41. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. For the third time.
42. Why do we say “sleep like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?
43. I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for more important things. Like eating.
44. Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? This doesn’t make any sense.
45. I don’t always have a witty comeback, but when I do, it’s usually too late.
46. Why do people say “never say never” when they’re saying never?
47. I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my opinion. Again.
48. If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
49. Why do we say “bless you” when someone sneezes? Is it because we think they’re possessed?
50. I don’t always have a plan, but when I do, it usually involves food.
51. Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? This is driving me crazy.
52. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. For the fourth time.
53. Why do we say “life is short” when it’s actually the longest thing we’ll ever experience? This is getting depressing.
54. I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for more important things. Like Netflix.
55. Why do we say “they’re driving me nuts” when we’re the ones in the car?
56. I don’t always have a witty comeback, but when I do, it’s usually not that witty.
57. Why do people say “it’s a small world” when it’s actually quite big?
58. I’m not arguing, I’m just expressing my opinion in a very loud and passionate way. As usual.
59. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0 and move on.
60. Why do we say “the early bird catches the worm” when the worm is probably still asleep?
61. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. For the fifth time.
62. Why do we say “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” when we all know it’s really in the Instagram filter?
63. I don’t always have a plan, but when I do, it usually involves napping.
64. Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? Seriously, who came up with this?
65. I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my opinion. Again. As usual.
66. Why do we say “it’s always darkest before the dawn” when it’s actually darkest at midnight?
67. I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for more important things. Like pizza.
68. Why do people say “it’s not rocket science” when rocket science is actually pretty easy?
69. I don’t always have a witty comeback, but when I do, it’s usually just a bad pun.
70. Why do we say “you can’t have your cake and eat it too” when that’s literally the point of having cake?
71. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. For the sixth time.
72. Why do we say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” when it actually just gives you trust issues?
73. I’m not arguing, I’m just expressing my opinion in a very loud and passionate way. Again. And again.
74. If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the beginning.
75. Why do we say “you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs” when you can totally make scrambled eggs?
76. I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my opinion. For the millionth time.
77. Why do we say “the proof is in the pudding” when the proof should really be in the recipe?
78. I don’t always have a plan, but when I do, it usually involves taking a nap.
79. Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? This is just getting ridiculous.
80. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. For the seventh time.
81. Why do we say “you can’t have too much of a good thing” when we all know that’s a lie?
82. I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for more important things. Like dessert.
83. Why do