Top 99 Clever Sarcastic Quotes About Life

Top 99 Clever Sarcastic Quotes About Life

Looking for some clever and sarcastic quotes about life? Look no further! We’ve compiled a list of the top 99 quotes to make you laugh, think, and maybe even roll your eyes. Plus, we’ve got some great ideas for celebrating this event with your friends and loved ones. Let’s get started!

1. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
2. “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing
3. “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy.” – Unknown
4. “I’m not sure if I’m actually productive or just really good at procrastinating.” – Unknown
5. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
6. “I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
7. “I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult.” – Unknown
8. “I didn’t choose the awkward life, the awkward life chose me.” – Unknown
9. “I don’t always have a sarcastic comment, but when I do, I usually wait until it’s inappropriate.” – Unknown
10. “I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.” – Unknown
11. “I don’t know what makes you so dumb, but it really works.” – Unknown
12. “I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown
13. “I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.” – Unknown
14. “I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box…I don’t even know where the box is.” – Unknown
15. “I have a personality you can’t handle.” – Unknown
16. “I have a photographic memory. But some times I run out of film.” – Unknown
17. “I have a very particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.” – Liam Neeson
18. “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” – Jackie Mason
19. “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” – Mother Teresa
20. “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow
21. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison
22. “I have not lost my mind…it’s backed up on a disk somewhere.” – Unknown
23. “I have the memory of a goldfish. Every time I see a shopping cart, I get excited because I think it’s a new car.” – Unknown
24. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield
25. “I hope life without me is as meaningless as I always suspected it was.” – Unknown
26. “I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric rather than just nuts.” – Unknown
27. “I know the voices in my head aren’t real, but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!” – Unknown
28. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Fred Allen
29. “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.” – Unknown
30. “I live in my own little world, but it’s okay, they know me here.” – Unknown
31. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” – Douglas Adams
32. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx
33. “I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.” – Unknown
34. “I never said I was perfect, I said I was worth it.” – Unknown
35. “I only drink on days that end in ‘y’.” – Unknown
36. “I only know two things for sure: I don’t know everything, and I’m pretty sure I’m right about that.” – Unknown
37. “I prefer my puns intended.” – Unknown
38. “I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.” – Unknown
39. “I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.” – Unknown
40. “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams
41. “I respect those who tell me the truth, no matter how hard it is.” – Unknown
42. “I see your IQ test results came back negative.” – Unknown
43. “I seem to have misplaced my sense of humor, have you seen it?” – Unknown
44. “I speak fluent sarcasm.” – Unknown
45. “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” – George Best
46. “I stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.” – Unknown
47. “I suffer from two phobias: fear of failure and fear of success. I am my own worst enemy.” – Unknown
48. “I think I’m allergic to mornings.” – Unknown
49. “I think therefore I’m single.” – Unknown
50. “I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I’m hilarious.” – Unknown
51. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” – Unknown
52. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” – Unknown
53. “I was born to be wild, but only until around 9 PM or so.” – Unknown
54. “I was going to take over the world but got distracted by something sparkly.” – Unknown
55. “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” – Edgar Allan Poe
56. “I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived.” – Margaret Mitchell
57. “I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food.” – Unknown
58. “I wish I could turn back the clock. I’d find you sooner and love you longer.” – Unknown
59. “I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.” – Unknown
60. “I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” – Kurt Cobain
61. “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see you every day.” – Unknown
62. “I’ll be sober tomorrow but you’ll still be ugly.” – Unknown
63. “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – Thomas Jefferson
64. “I’m a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
65. “I’m a slow walker, but I never walk back.” – Abraham Lincoln
66. “I’m a survivor. I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to stop. I’m going to work harder.” – Reba McEntire
67. “I’m actually quite pleasant until I’m awake.” – Unknown
68. “I’m always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.” – Unknown
69. “I’m an acquired taste. Don’t you like me yet?” – Unknown
70. “I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.” – Unknown
71. “I’m not always right, but when I am, it’s usually all the time.” – Unknown
72. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
73. “I’m not bossy, I’m just really good at telling people what to do.” – Unknown
74. “I’m not completely useless. I can be used as a bad example.” – Unknown